Top 10 reasons that Doug the Bum thinks he is loved
10. Every time he hears the song, “Boom Boom Ain't it Great to be Crazy,” he thinks the radio station is saluting him.
9. Every time he goes to the local Dumpster for food, and rats follow him home, he thinks the rats love him.
8. Every time he hears a cat or dog howl, he thinks they are whistling at him.
7. Every time he masturbates, he thinks he is in love with himself.
6. Every time he goes to the beach for a swim, all the fisherman clap for him, as they catch all the fish he kills with his body odor in their nets.
5. Every time someone gives him money to buy clothes to cover his dirty self, he thinks someone loves him, but he/she is really doing it for his/her own sanity.
4. Every time someone says, “Bum,” he runs, thinking that they are concerned about him stealing out of the garbage again.
3. Bum man thinks he is loved because mosquitoes, leeches, bees, maggots, and fireflies are always on his body.
2. People on the street faint after seeing and smelling him, and Doug the Bum thinks it’s because they like him or think he is cute.
And the # 1 reason that he thinks he is loved:
Susan and I put up with his ugly, smelly, nerd-like, nasty, hurtful, harmful ass while he is online. But he knows we really put up with him only because we feel sorry for his bum ass! But I love him down deep inside, only because I try to help bums!